Are you putting undue pressure on yourself by attempting to please everyone?
One of the most significant days of your life is fast approaching, and perhaps you are starting to wonder if your stress is actually coming from wedding planning or meeting everyone’s expectations?
Guest experience is, of course, an important part of your wedding, and thinking of others should never be a bad thing.
But you also need to go into wedding planning with healthy boundaries and a firm understanding of how the wedding should turn out for you and your partner.
While it is crucial to think about the comfort of your guests, it is just as, if not more, important to prioritise your own needs.
It’s not easy to actually accomplish this because we’ve been influenced to care so much about what other people think, especially through social media, that it can become paralysing to get anything done.
It’s a fine line, you want (and SHOULD) be considerate, but you also deserve to have the wedding day of your dreams, one that perfectly represents your relationship with your fiancé. This is where pleasing people during wedding planning becomes difficult.
It’s nearly impossible to please everyone in any situation, so are you adding to the pressure by listening to too many people and trying to please everyone else rather than just focusing on what you want?
Are you so preoccupied with making a day that others will enjoy that you’ve forgotten what you actually want? Are your original ideas being pushed aside by the ‘wants’ and ‘needs’ of others?
That magical day you were looking forward to has suddenly gotten out of hand and appears to have run away with itself as you prioritise everyone else.
Are you a people pleaser?
It’s tempting to be swept up in the idea that you have to consider everyone else’s input, especially that of the people who will play pivotal roles in your wedding celebration.
Do you have to pay attention to what they’re saying, though? Have you ever agreed with someone else’s opinion, even if you didn’t agree with it, simply to make everyone else happy and to “keep the peace”?
It’s wonderful to be able to make other people feel happy and cherished; doing so can give you a huge emotional lift. But at what cost to your own well-being and enjoyment of your wedding.
Do you truly want to deal with this additional pressure, or do you need to learn how to say no, and learn fast?
Learn to say no.
Learning to say no may be the most difficult thing you’ve ever had to do, but it could mean the difference between a day filled with happiness and one filled with stress and regret.
If saying no is something that you normally struggle with then you need to start getting in some practice now.
Start with small everyday things that people ask of you and instead of saying yes, like you normally would, say no. Be polite but be firm. Don’t allow yourself to be pushed around.
Four ways on how to say no.
- Start by being specific about what it is that you want. What really matters to you and why? Try to stay focussed on that. There’s nothing wrong with taking in the thoughts of those around you, but before incorporating their suggestions, ask yourself: does this mesh with the things I truly care about and want to include? If you don’t want to, then just say so.
- Create a detailed budget and then allocate it to the areas that are most important to you. Examine your budget whenever someone approaches you with an idea or a request. Is it possible to make accommodations? Will you have to forego something else that you really want? If it requires you to make a compromise you don’t want to make, say no.
- Consider whether the suggestion will improve or detract from your day. Is this new idea bringing you joy or causing you to fear? Say no if it’s the latter.
- Ask your partner to help you. Is this new request coming from a family member or close friend of your partner? If it’s not something you want to include, tell them to say no. This day is for both of you, so take advantage of the fact that you’re not the only one planning it.
Remember that this is your wedding, and that the most important thing is to do what the two of you want to do. As soon as we allow ourselves to become preoccupied with the needs of others, we lose sight of our own goals.
While it’s vital to be mindful of your guests, it’s also crucial to remember that you can be a thoughtful host while still throwing the wedding of your dreams.
It’s fine to express appreciation for the input you’ve received but ultimately follow your instincts or move in a different way. All that matters is that you tie the knot with your soul mate, that you show your guests a good time, that your wedding day is a reflection of the two of you, and that you enjoy yourselves.
Don’t let anyone steal your happiness.
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